CLASSIC SCENE: “Nobody fucks with the Jesus!”
Film: THE BIG LEBOWSKI
Directors: Joel & Ethan Coen.
Screenplay: Ethan & Joel Coen.
Setting the scene:
Practicing for their next bowling tournament, THE DUDE (Jeff Bridges), WALTER (John Goodman) and DONNY (Steve Buscemi) watch in admiration at the flamboyant bowling skills of JESUS QUINTANA (John Turturro) – a possible future opponent. As they discuss Quintana, they also discuss The Dude’s recent case of mistaken identity where his household rug was urinated on and the job that he’s been employed to do.
[The Gypsy Kings play Hotel California as we witness a manicured man’s hand pulling up his long purple socks before reaching for a bowling ball. He takes his time setting up the shot – even suggestively licking the ball. Before taking his shot we see stitched above the breast pocket of his all-in-one suit, his first name, “Jesus”. We then follow his shot down the bowling lane to the pins scattered by a strike.
In slow motion, he dances before looking across at The Dude, Donny and Walter who are observing his skills. He then thrusts a black gloved finger into the air before we fast track in on the three…]
DUDE
Fucking Quintana! That creep can
roll, man.
WALTER
Yeah, but he’s a pervert,
Dude.
DUDE
Yeah…
WALTER
No! He’s a sex offender. With a
record. He did six months in Chino
for exposing himself to an eight-
year-old.
DUDE
Huh?!
[In a flashback scene, we see Quintana, in pressed jeans and a stretchy sweater,
walking up a stoop in a residential neighborhood and ringing
the bell]
WALTER
When he moved to Hollywood he had
to go door-to-door to tell everyone
he’s a pederast.
[The door swings open and a bearded, overweight, beer-swilling man
looks dully out at Quintana, who looks hesitantly up]
DONNY
What’s a pederast, Walter?
WALTER
Shut the fuck up, Donny.
[Back to Walter and The Dude]
WALTER
So? How much they give you?
DUDE
Twenty grand, man. And of course I still get to keep the rug.
WALTER
Just for making the hand-off?
DUDE
Yeah.
[He slips a little black box out of his pocket to show Walter]
DUDE
And, uh, they gave Dude a beeper, so
whenever these guys call…
WALTER
What if it’s during a game?
DUDE
Oh, I told him if it was during league
play…
DONNY
What’s during league play?
WALTER
Life does not stop and start at your
convenience, you miserable piece of SHIT.
DUDE
I Figure, uh…
DONNY
What’s wrong with Walter, Dude?
DUDE
I figure it’s easy money, you know? It’s all pretty harmless. She probably kidnapped herself.
WALTER
Huh?
DONNY
What do you mean, Dude?
DUDE
Rug-peers did not do this. Look at it… young trophy wife… marries this guy for his money but figures he isn’t giving her enough, you know… She owes money all over town…
WALTER
That… fucking… bitch!
DUDE
It’s all a goddamn fake, man. It’s like Lenin said, you look for the person who will benefit and, uh, uh, you know, uh, you know, you’ll, uh, you know what I’m trying to say…
DONNY
(interrupting)
I am the Walrus.
WALTER
That fucking bitch!
DUDE
Yeah.
DONNY
(interrupting again)
I am the Walrus.
WALTER
Shut the fuck up, Donny!
V.I. Lenin! – Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
DONNY
(to The Dude)
What the fuck is he talking about?
WALTER
That’s fucking exactly what happened,
Dude! That makes me fucking SICK!
[Meanwhile, we witness Quintana and his partner Liam polishing their bowling balls]
DUDE
Well, what do you care Walter?
WALTER
Those rich fucks! This whole fucking
thing… I did not watch my buddies
die face down in the muck so that
this fucking strumpet, this fucking whore could waltz around town…
DUDE
Walter, I don’t see any connection to Vietnam, man.
WALTER
Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Dude.
DUDE
Walter, face it, there isn’t any
connection. Your roll.
WALTER
Have it your way. But my point is…
DUDE
Your roll
WALTER
My point is…
DUDE
Your roll.
[Quintana approaches and interrupts their conversation]
QUINTANA
Are you ready to be fucked, man?
[They both look up]
QUINTANA
I see you rolled your way into the
semis. Deos mio, man. Liam and
me, we’re gonna fuck you up.
DUDE
Yeah? Well… you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion, man.
[Quintana walks by, pointing at Walter]
QUINTANA
(to Walter)
Let me tell you something, pendejo.
You pull any your crazy shit with
us, you flash a piece out on the
lanes, I’ll take it away from you
and stick it up your ass and pull
the fucking trigger till it goes
“click”.
DUDE
Jesus…
QUINTANA
(to The Dude)
You said it, man. Nobody fucks with
the Jesus.
[Quintana walks away. Walter not reacting and observing him sadly]
WALTER
Eight-year-olds, Dude.
(To view or read my other Classic Scenes just click here)
MARKED MOVIES 
October 22, 2015 at 12:19 pm
Probably my favourite moment in the movie
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 12:21 pm
In a film filled with great moments, I’d probably still agree with you Niall. It’s absolutely superb and Bridges, Goodman, Buscemi & Turturro play it to perfection.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:16 pm
I’m happy to see the return of classic scenes Mark.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:18 pm
Cheers Vinnie. It was hard to pick one particular scene from The Big Lebowski as there are so many but this is a classic in my eyes. I love it.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:20 pm
I’ve always admired your superb taste in movies man.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:22 pm
Thank you sir! To suggest I have great taste in movies only proves that you also have great taste in movies. 😉
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October 22, 2015 at 1:24 pm
Why thank you, you also have great taste in buttocks too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:25 pm
Haha! What’s with the whole buttocks thing, man? Are you still on that? Lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:27 pm
Haha, it’s just a joke buddy. But you can’t beat a nice pair. Plus, we seem to share the same taste in ribald humour.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:45 pm
Haha! Indeed man! You need to find another hobby, though. People will start to talk 😉
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October 22, 2015 at 1:46 pm
Haha, movies are my main hobby along with music, so I’m well covered there dude.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:48 pm
Haha! I’m talking about real movies, though. Not those Blue ones? 😉
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October 22, 2015 at 1:49 pm
I was talking about real movies. Blue movies are sort of a side order thing on occasion.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:52 pm
Haha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:54 pm
Though I’m sure everyone watches a blue movie every now and then. Do you Mark?
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October 22, 2015 at 1:57 pm
Never watch such smut! I’m a member of The Church of the Latter Day Dude. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:58 pm
Oh I had no idea, hope none of what I’ve said has caused you offence.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:59 pm
As a Dudeist Priest, I take no offence to anything. I simply “abide”. 😉
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October 22, 2015 at 2:01 pm
Haha, I feel so naive as I haven’t seen this movie in years. You’re a real cool funny dude man, I can imagine you being a laugh over a pint of drinks.
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October 22, 2015 at 2:03 pm
Haha! Not just one pint! As a Scot, it would be a whole night of pints! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 2:04 pm
That would be pretty amazing, bet you have a great time when you go out.
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October 22, 2015 at 2:07 pm
I have been know to enjoy a good drink but my days of partying are not what they used to be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 2:12 pm
I’m sure you’re still a party animal.
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October 22, 2015 at 1:51 pm
xD Absolutely awesome choice Mark!
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 22, 2015 at 1:53 pm
Cheers Zoe! Marvellous scene from a marvellous film.
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October 22, 2015 at 6:40 pm
Nice post, dude! I should like this movie a bit more….. I guess it’s better than Raging Bull. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 23, 2015 at 8:50 am
Dear, oh dear! Have you no class? I’m going to make it my mission to educate you with good taste! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 26, 2015 at 11:51 pm
Lol! I’m a classy broad, dammit! 😉
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October 27, 2015 at 4:58 pm
Only broads that like Raging Bull and The Big Lebowski are classy! You have much to learn.. Lol 😉
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October 23, 2015 at 3:08 am
Classic!
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October 23, 2015 at 8:51 am
You said it, Courtney! That one word sums this scene (and the film) up.
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October 23, 2015 at 7:58 am
Amazing scene. This and the scene with scattering the ashes absolutely do me in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 23, 2015 at 8:54 am
So many great scenes, man. Overall, the film is a work of genius. I never tire of it. That said, as much as I love the ashes scene, I actually seen a similar sketch in, believe it or not, The Last of the Summer Wine which tarnished that for me somewhat. I hate to say it, but I seen it there first 😦
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October 23, 2015 at 1:06 pm
Mark, nice. One of many super scenes. Too funny. I’m glad you reminded me — I should do a rewatch. I haven’t seen it in awhile.
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October 23, 2015 at 1:10 pm
I think it’s hilarious, Cindy. The dialogue and the interplay between the characters is just perfect.
It’s always due a revisit. There’s never been a time when I’ve rewatched it that the film hasn’t improved. It just gets better and better.
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October 23, 2015 at 7:36 pm
LOVE THE MOVIE and that scene is just iconic. Goodman delivery kills me every time here
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October 23, 2015 at 7:38 pm
Happy to hear you’re also a fan, Sati. Everyone is wonderful here but Goodman’s rants are pure gold. He’s hilarious!
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October 24, 2015 at 11:15 am
This could be my favourite scene of the entire film. I dunno, I’d have to watch it again before deciding! The line “That creep can
roll, man” is classic Dude, but the ’til it goes click’ line always makes me crease up. Turturro’s delivery is top draw. I think the beauty here is he’s only in the film for about a minute or two minutes tops…just completely pointless but brilliant nonetheless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
October 25, 2015 at 1:05 am
It’s a film where it’s hard to pick a favourite scene, as there’s so many to choose from. I’m a big fan of Ben Gazzara’s Jackie Treehorn as well and Jon Polito’s “brother Shamus” . Even the opening scene with him getting his head thrust down the toilet and Sam Elliot’s wonderful voiceover is stuff of comedy gold.
You’re right, though. Turturro appears very briefly yet makes such an impact that you could be forgiven for thinking that he’s in the film much more than he actually is.
It’s just a class act all round!
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October 25, 2015 at 8:47 pm
True sir! I actually really like the first scene with Hoffman when The Dude goes to see the other Lebowski at his house too. And Jackie Treehorn…that bit where The Dude goes over his drawing on the pad…genius!
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October 25, 2015 at 9:07 pm
Haha! Jackie Treehorn’s drawing of the wee guy with a hard-on is always a moment that gets me. It’s doesn’t matter how many times I see it, I always piss myself.
Hoffman is very good as well. He’s such a little jobsworth and his uncomfortable nature leaps of the screen.
I also love that moment where The Dude hammers the plank into his floor and wedges a chair under the door knob only for the door to open the opposite direction. LOL.
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October 25, 2015 at 9:12 pm
That’s brilliant, I’d forgotten about that! Might have to go and mix a Sunday night caucasian.
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October 25, 2015 at 9:14 pm
Haha! Sunday nights could go a lot worse without a Caucasian or a couple of Oat Soda’s. 😉
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October 25, 2015 at 9:22 pm
Oat sodas? Is that porridge and beer? On second thoughts I don’t want to know.
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October 25, 2015 at 9:26 pm
Haha! Who the fuck knows what they are? All I know is, that’s what the Dude calls a beer. I love that!! 😉
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October 25, 2015 at 9:36 pm
Aha…I though it was a Scottish thing!
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October 25, 2015 at 9:53 pm
Haha! I agree! It does sound like a Scottish thing. As far as I see it, it is now. I use this often. Hopefully it catches on! 😉
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October 25, 2015 at 6:18 pm
Classic indeed! Classic scene from an ever more classic film. That script is awesome.
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October 25, 2015 at 9:01 pm
The script is really something special. I’ve read it a few times and it’s quite astonishing how much of it as actually verbatim. All the smaller details like the The Dude’s “uh’s” and “aah’s” were actually written in. The attention to detail is something else.
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November 1, 2015 at 3:57 pm
The Big Lebowski is chock-full of great scenes like this! Love it!
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November 2, 2015 at 12:47 pm
Couldn’t agree more, Dan! I find it hard to pick a favourite scene from the film but the introduction of Jesus just shades it for me!
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August 10, 2018 at 7:49 pm
Superb. But Quintana is not saying “bendeco”, the word is PENDEJO, which is like a “stupid mf” in spanish.
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August 10, 2018 at 7:57 pm
Hey Thanks, for reading, man. You’re absolutely right on Pendejo. I have no idea where bendeco came from and I don’t know how I missed that. Probably an overlooked typo. I’ll need to correct that.
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